Serendipity

"... to love another is something like prayer and can't be planned, you just fall into its arms because your belief undoes your disbelief" - Anne Sexton

And all of a sudden here you are. A garden I stumbled into when I wasn't even looking. How did I transcend? 

You press your mouth against the soft skin at the nape of my neck and whisper i love yous so soft I can barely hear them. You pull me against you as if you cannot get me close enough. My head on your chest, I listen to the sound of your heart beat. Do you feel that? I ask. You nod. That's a soul connection, I say. That's something beyond us, something cosmic. You kiss my fingertips, you tell me I taste of flowers. 

What a dizzying ascention this has been, what great heights! From here I can see everything and all I can think is: this must be the place. 

At the post office, the clerk hands you the package and you say something about me, call me your girlfriend, squeeze my hand, your joy is infectious, the clerk laughs with us, tells us she is happy we are happy. We bask in being together, the sun warm through the windows of my jeep, our fingers linked as we drive over the bridge, the scent of sagebrush is pungent in the air. 

How hesitant I am to label this love, to throw myself chaotically into pleasure as I have so many times before. And yet every day with you feels like the spring mornings of my childhood, the promise of sunshine, the smell of dew on a freshly cut lawn, the trill of songbirds waking up. It feels like finding a thing you'd lost and forgotten about, a missing part you didn't realize was missing, a key to a lock you'd long ago thought sealed shut. And here I am, opening, unfolding, blooming, a flower in time-lapse motion, undoing the damage I once thought irreversible, healing wounds I thought permanent. 

There should be such darkness in you and yet you are pure light. Even when you tell me of the most terrible things done to you, when I kiss the salty tears from your cheeks, there is no feeling of wading through a swamp, of blood in my mouth. It is a cleansing, a baptism, with every secret shared between us it feels like letting go, I can feel something slip away, the tight edges of pain begin to soften and dissolve and we are brand new again. 

"I am your family now". When I tell you this, I am certain. I feel like I've known you forever. Somehow you found me, in all the entropy, in all the turmoil, somehow you found me and all of a sudden, everything is right.